XBox 360 Complaint # 37,164

The players in this short are as follows:

Moe - My son

Larry - Neighbor Kid # 1

Curly Joe - Neighbor Kid # 2

Since Halo 3 was released there has been an invasion of teenagers at my house on a daily basis. It's usually the same Three Stooges whaling on each other when I get home from work, bouncing around my living room like a pack of wild ferrets on cocaine.

Q: Don't Larry and Curly Joe have their own XBox 360's?

A: Yes.

Q: Don't Larry and Curly Joe have their own copy of Halo 3?

A: Yes.

Q: Don't Larry and Curly Joe have and XBox Live account?

A: Nope.

That's fine, that's what a game system is for, right? Right. I like all three kids just fine, they're staying out of trouble so far this school year and as long as I know where they are they'll continue to stay out of trouble. And I don't even mind feeding them four nights a week as long as they don't complain about what we give them and don't make a mess in the house.

What I DO have a problem with is providing controllers and batteries. $$$! You see, Curly Joe is only allowed to take his controller out of the house on weekends (I don't understand that rule, have to talk to his mom) and Moe already goes through batteries like a fiend. I gave Moe some rechargeable bateries a month ago but he can't seem to grasp the concept that rechargeable batteries only get charged when you put them on the charger.

Being gainfully employed I decided to buy myself a controller and a rechargeable battery pack. It's pretty snazzy, when your controller starts giving you the low battery warning you simply plug the cable into the USB port on the back of the 360 and keep playing. My controller is even BLACK so it won't get mixed up with the Three Stooges controllers FTW! Choice.

Therefore when Moe's batteries go dead he "borrows" my controller, gives his dead controller to Curly and makes Curly bring his own batteries over. (I cut Curly off from the household battery supply) Larry is the smart one, he brings his own controller and his own batteries. So far.

What's mine belongs to everyone else in my home. Those are the house rules. BUT I'm not a big fan of sharing electronic devices with kids. They break shit, it's a fact of life. Additionally, by my standards, most kids have insufficient hygiene habits. I spent $60.00 on the controller and $20.00 on the rechargeable battery pack. I don't want it broken and I don't want it slathered with "cooties". Does this sound childish to you? If it does you probably don't work very hard for your money and should seek a secondary method of gainful employment. May I recommend a position as a mason's laborer?

In an effort to rectify the situation I (again) made a foray to the local Gamestop and purchased the cheapest non-wireless XBox 360 controller for Curly Joe or any other guest to use. I'm not paying for batteries unless the kid belongs to me. I also bought Moe a rechargeable battery pack as an early birthday present.

I went home and explained the new program:

Moe gets a rechargeable battery pack. Sweet.

Curly has a back up controller (this kid still calls them paddles, you'd think he was forty years old or something) whenever he's at the house. How nice of me!

I pointed out to Curly Joe that the controller is not wireless, to which he responded "Aww, that sucks!" I will omit the choice words I assailed him with to put him in his place. Suffice to say the meaning of the phrase "looking a gift horse in the mouth" is now well understood by him as it was conveyed at more than sufficient volume and with great vehemence. I also told him that if he does not change his ways he may someday grow up to be that guy that complains about a free beer. And NOBODY likes that guy. Least of all me.

OK, so, FINALLY, here's the problem:

Q: What happens when the Three Stooges are playing, Moe and Larry with their wireless controllers and Curly with his "wired" controller (which sucks, don't forget) and Moe's rechargeable batteries go dead?

A: He plugs it in to the 360.

Wrong.

There is only one USB connector on the back of the XBox 360. Microsoft strikes again. I can't seem to win here, I just want to jump up and down and throw a fit like a retarded four year old in the cereal isle.

Q: Can't you just run down to Office Max and get a cheap USB hub?

A: No, Microsoft will only allow very specific devices to communicate with their machine. The manufacturer of the devices must pay licensing fees to M$. Want to see what I have to buy in order to facilitate the little menagerie at my house?

http://www.gamestop.com/product.asp?product%5Fid=802686

$30.00 friends and neighbors, thirty MORE dollars. And that's only four USB ports. WTF? Why not eight ferchrissakes? I mean, if they're going to do it, they should do it right!

When you plug a wireless XBox 360 contoller into the USB port to charge it does not even exchange data over the USB bus, it only uses the 5 volts to charge. The controller continues to transmit and receieve wirelessly.

Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to get that USB hub and use it as a charging station, it won't even be connected to the 360.

Anticlimactic solution? Yes, but that's the only denouement I can come up with at the moment. I'm shaking and quivering, still caught in the throes of post-technology-vicitmization and beyond the capacity for rational thought.

PS-Yes, I know this is supposed to be a positive blog about all things Halo, but sometimes I just gotta bitch. If I ever get to actually play Halo again I'll find something positive and post it.

Edited by Chromeratt 10/8/2007: I pointed out to my brother that there were two (2) USB ports on the front of the console and that he should RTFM every once in a while. Admittedly I didn't RTFM either. I spotted the door that covers the USB ports and thought "that looks like it should move".